Free! Free at last!! ~ from the confinement of cult religion to the joy of self love and expression ~

June 01, 2020

I give you my very personal story of overcoming a religious past where I experienced intense shame, self hatred and a debilitating fear of God's judgment. I boldly and unashamedly present my painted 'pussy portal' and the healing and self love that came as a result of its creation.

She can only be denied until redemption comes at her own hands...

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In my childhood, the scripture, “All fall short of the glory of God”, among many others with similar messaging, translated in my very young and malleable brain to,

You will never be good enough to go to heaven. Your world is ruled by a father god figure capable of damning his own children and he does not like you.

Add a healthy dose of, "You need a Savior, a man to cover your sins, because you are a lowly sinner, hopelessly unworthy of the Kingdom of God and never capable of covering the chasm between you and God without another to save you", and you get a little girl scared shitless of God and hating herself, believing she will never be good enough, that she will always need a man to rescue her, that she cannot think for herself and must always look to a ‘prophet’ for her truth and if she believes anything outside of the canonized and male-created doctrine, they then teach her, "That idea did not come from God, but from Satan, and you are listening to the wrong voice. Repent and follow the prophet!"

Whew! Long sentence, representing the chaotic ground of my brain on religious crack.

I originally wrote this in the third person, hiding my identity, fearing more my family's reaction, all still members of the church, than showing you a portrait of my most sacred body part, formerly shrouded in shame. For in the chaos described above, sexuality fell as a bloody victim of programming. Second only to murder, the church taught me sexual sin, aka any touching outside of marriage, is a grave sin. It takes a year to 'repent' of fornication/adultery in the church. This comes with a confessional, multiple worthiness interviews and limited membership privileges throughout the year until the man in charge of you decides you are worthy again.

I truly believe that most of the leaders are good hearted and following this protocol in love, feeling like they are helping the penitent, but God! It's a costly existence.

And don't jump on any bandwagon of anger or pity because I claim my own experience. Oh, believe me, I indulged in blame and anger and even embarrassment that I could ever believe this doctrine. But I learned that I could not enter 'the Promised Land' of freedom and still be carrying the baggage of blame.

Yes, I left, wings clipped and bleeding, but now, from the outside, I see In my heart of hearts I always knew that I I didn’t need to prove myself worthy, to sit in front of a man given the right to judge me and withhold privileges if he determined my answers weren’t right. Took it’s toll. I taught it to my children and other people's children, perpetuating the madness. Other religious countries clip women and girls ‘wings’ literally, not just figuratively.

How much blood has been drawn in the name of God/morality.

Sexual disempowerment woman cover body so boys won’t think about sex. It’s your fault

pryer, God devotion to God. Sense of family

non G rated body, alcohol, God can’t go to evil place. You're unprotected. That fear lived in my body. So young i didn’t understand the shaming that set the stage to be ashamed and afraid of my sexual power. Abuse victim: its my fault.

Without diminishing the heinous crimes against millions of women currently, in the form of female genital mutilation, religion slashes with its own dirty razor blades. Cutting, tearing, ripping from the soul, the most natural and powerful position a woman can take—that of a Sexual Goddess. She is left with shaming and self hatred and much less satisfying experiences than had she never been taught that sex is a dirty sin.

As women AND men, our most authentic power lies in wild sexual abandon in the arms of another for whom we have love and respect. As you develop enough self love, this experience can be has with someone you have known for 5 minutes or 50 years. I make no judgment how to use your sexuality other than this admonition: act only out of a deep self love. This way you can see yourself in the other and act accordingly. Take only the actions that will benefit your lovers and cause no harm.

This painting screams against the crimes religion commits against us as it is labeled sinful label as it teaches us there is inherently something wrong with us and our bodies that we actually need cleansing from the moment we were concieved.

But ay affected by